Advice Column

Advice Column

How do I get good grades in APUSH? How do I even take notes? 

 

I’m a little bit of an APUSH veteran myself, 10th-grade trooper, Mr. Collins student, and I have a few tips for you. 

  1.  you gotta bribe Mr. Collins. Try bringing some food, he may take the teacher tax #economicsteacher, which may sway him in your favor, or may make him think you’re trying to buy him out. It’s a gamble you gotta be willing to take for those grades. 

  2. Second tip, a sacrifice must be made to the APUSH gods. I’m not sure if you’re aware, but each AP class has a designated god and we typically slaughter a goat for its head and sacrifice that to the APUSH gods. Personally, this is the only step I took and it got me a five so if #1 doesn’t work, trusty number 2 will work in your favor.

  3.  Mr. Collins turned me into a communist. Being communist, I thought we should all get good grades and share study materials. Talk to your classmates, ask them what is working for them, and if they refuse, just sprinkle a little totalitarianism, you know, some forceful sharing. 

  4. If none of these works, drop out.

 

Any tips on how to balance: finding time to socialize with friends, complete all your schoolwork on time and maintain good grades, and also dealing with extracurriculars (sports, clubs, activities)? 

 

I think this is a balance a lot of people struggle with, including adults. It's difficult to maintain all your hobbies and still be successful. I think that it's important to realize that all these elements should not be weighed equally all the time. There’s a constant pressure in society that if you don’t have top of the line grades, or if you’re not in every varsity sport or three service clubs—and also have time to hang out with friends every week—that you’re somehow failing and unproductive. 

Before you take any steps on balancing these elements, you need to learn to not compare yourself to others and what others are doing. It always feels like everyone else has it together, but even those people on the inside may not feel like they’re balancing well enough. Second, make a  list of what you prioritize most in your life. Whether it’s grades, service, or anything else, dedicate your time to what you value most. Fill your free time with friends, activities, and hobbies. What you feel is most important to you is what you should prioritize, even if you don’t spend as much time, for example, socializing. 

Every day won’t look the same when you’re managing these things, and allowing fluidity in your schedule will benefit you in the long term.

 

How do I find a good senior quote? 

 

Go to a random tweet generator, put in Mr. Kanye West’s name. Randomize it and whatever tweet comes out just use that.

What do I do if I drip too hard and cause a tsunami? 

 

Drip too hard, don’t stand too close, you gon’ mess around and drown off this wave - Mr. Lil Baby

 

I got bullied for wearing youtube merch please help

 

Honestly if you’re still wearing Youtube merch in 2020 you kind of deserve it. 

 

I’m new to the school, how do I make friends during this online period? 

 

When you’re put in a breakout room with two or three other kids, take that opportunity to introduce yourself. Since you guys will already be working collaboratively, being in that setting where you're not in front of the class will allow you to develop a basic friendship with them. You can then try to lighten with humor and then ask for their Instagram or Snapchat to take it outside of the zoom call. You can text, or send memes, or whatever you kids like to do.

 

How do I focus better during my zoom calls?

 

If you have Discord or other such entertainment applications on your laptop, close them so you’re not tempted. The same goes for your phone. Turn your camera on while you’re in the zoom call, and try to communicate either in chat or unmuting and actually talking.

 

My friends keep asking me what colleges I’m applying to and I don’t feel comfortable answering, what do I do? 

 

Tell them you’re applying to be a McDonald’s employee. If they laugh and ask “no but seriously,” just send them the Mcdonald’s application in their google hangouts. Go to Ms. Alcoz and tell her you're not going to college but instead following your dreams as a McDonald’s employee. Make the whole school know that McDonald’s is your passion. Everywhere they turn it's just going to be known that you are the future brand executive for Ronald McDonald.

 

When a friend comes to ask you what grade you got, how do you figure out if they’re going to brag or self-deprecate? 

 

It’s all in how much time they take to ask the question. If they ask pretty quickly, if that snap notification for typing is quick, then they’re gonna brag. They just wanna get it out quickly. If it takes them a bit more time then they’re really planning out how they’re gonna say their whole long complaining session. My advice is to just avoid people. Thank you.

 

My friend never has time to play video games with me anymore because they have a girlfriend, what do I do? 

 

Start off by calling them a simp whenever you can. Doesn’t matter if they send you a nice selfie, they’re a SIMP. Funny meme? SIMP. Anything they do, call them a simp. Next, find a replacement friend that you can use for the next two to three weeks. Make sure they’re single. Brag to your simp friend about how this new friend has so much time, plays so many games, and is most importantly, not a simp. Your friend will feel so bad about themself, they will doubt their place in other people’s lives. Their girlfriend will notice this and break up with them because nobody likes someone too insecure. Your friend will become so sad that they will resort to video games with you to fill the void inside of them. Whatever you do, do NOT openly communicate with them about your feelings. Bully them into submission. 

 

If I just suddenly stop turning in assignments, what will they do to me? 

 

You’re asking questions I cannot answer. Run. Hide. Don’t let them know what you know. I’ll fax you the answer. I don't even know what faxing is but it’s just something I hear people say.

 

How do I talk to my friends if none of them are online? 

 

Find the nearest pigeon on your balcony. Capture it. Write a handwritten letter, origami it, tie it to the pigeon and tell it where your friend’s house is. Drop it from your balcony and let it fly. Wait 2–3 business weeks for your reply.

 

How do I exercise online? 

 

In the wake of the pandemic, there have been a lot of fitness trainers on youtube who have created free programs. Do some research and know what you’re aiming for physically, whether that’s through strength or cardio, try to look on youtube to find that. It’ll be the easiest way to do home workouts.

 

How do I tell my friends I was rooting for Kanye 2020?

When a teacher gets kicked out of the zoom call and you become host, what do you do with that power?

 

I get this question all the time, what do I do with this power. I don’t know why they would ask me this. Maybe it’s because they think I’m a communist. Change everybody’s name to the bee movie script line by line. Put everybody in a breakout room to vibe. You want to be feared but loved. Let people know what YOU say goes. Mandatory zoom filters and aquatic backgrounds. 

 

How do I tell my non-US friends that their opinions about American politics don’t matter?

 

“I don't see how you can hate from outside the club, you can't even get in! Hahahahaha- LEGGO” -  Chris Brown 

 

What do I do if my parents come into my room in the middle of a zoom call? 


If your parents aren’t strict, put a post-it note or something on your door. If your parents are strict, that’s their zoom call now.